Friday, January 13, 2012

What's on the menu today Hewhoshallnotbenamedatthistime?

As if having one kid hasn't made me crazy enough...I decided it was time for Morgan to be a big sister!  I started talking about this over a year ago with my husband and his response was 'whoa, let's really think about this...' which in guy talk translates into 'whoa...the last kid made you crazy, I'm not sure I want to go through all that again...'

pfffftttt whatever.

At the time I had lost all my baby weight plus an extra 8 pounds so I dismissed the baby talk.  Then I started taking Zoloft to treat fibromyalgia (yes it's possible I have that, plus I'm borderline diabetic, plus I have thyroid issues, but we'll save all that for the blog called 'I have the immune system of a 90 year old').  Why Zoloft?  Because antidepressants numb your senses.  I've always had weird issues going on with my all of the skin peeling off my hands every fall and spring when I was a kid.  After having Morgan, whatever was wrong doubled in strength.  I was having terrible headaches, aches and pains like I had the flu, and so forth.  The Zoloft nipped all that in the bud!!  ...but it also made me gain 5 pounds....a month.  I work way too hard at the battle of the bulge for some stupid medication to pack on the pounds!  So I quit taking it.  I stopped gaining weight but didn't lose it either.  Then my thyroid results started coming back a little funky and they recommended Synthroid.  My first questions was 'will it help me lose weight?!'  After they responded 'it could...' I was like 'sign me up!!!'

stupid Synthroid.

it gave me a pot belly.  I did some online research and found that it did this in a lot of people. 


Then I get a text from one of my dearest friends....'Hi!  Hope you're having a good day!  Oh by the way, I'm pregnant!'

WHAT?!!  I love this girl.  She came into my life after the loss of my best friend to a terrible tragedy in the fall of 2006 and filled a hole in my heart.  She and I both got married in the same year.  But then my husband and I (accidentally) had a kid while she and her husband moved to Korea for a year.  When they moved back, I joked around with her that I would have my next kid with her....I knew she wasn't ready to have kids so I was safe in that deal.  Then last summer I got that text....and when I told my husband he snickered and said 'remember the deal?'

oh yeah.

Well, I had gained 25 pounds since Christmas, I figured might as well be pregnant.  So now I'm over 3 months pregnant and I hate every single second of it.  Nature has a cruel way of making you forget how horrible pregnancy and infancy is (I can't include childbirth because I had a scheduled c-section... *fist pump*).  I know I was really tired when I was pregnant with Morgan but seriously, I feel like a slug with mono!!!  I just want to sleep all of the time!  Okay maybe it's not fair to make fun of slugs.  They actually work really hard to slime their way around.  It's not like they lounge on the couch most of the day with an almost-3-year-old blowing a toy trumpet in their ear. 

And the nausea.  Oh boy.

I really don't remember being this sick last time.  I constantly feel hungover.  That horrible poisoned feeling where you can't even think about certain foods without your gag reflux kicking into gear.  Everybody told me 'oh you're so lucky to be pregnant during the holidays!'

Okay first of all, I'm borderline diabetic, so I have to watch what I eat unless I want to end up on insulin.  Right now my 2,000 mg of horse pill sized Glucophage (take 2 twice a day) is doing the trick and I'd like to keep it that simple.  And second, I lost my appetite the weekend before Thanksgiving.

seriously pregnancy gods?!!  that is SO UNFAIR!

The smells, the sights, the sounds of Thanksgiving dinner were torture.  We spent turkey holiday with my inlaws and I had to endure not one, but two huge family dinners.  At each dinner I found one dish that looked appealing, and that's what I ate.  Everyone else had plates heavily laden with delicious dishes and I had a serving of scalloped potatoes and a sliver of pumpkin pie. 

And then I had to get through Christmas....not one, not two, but FOUR family dinners.  I was doing a bit better than Thanksgiving.  My unborn child, whom my best friend has dubbed 'Hewhoshallnotbenamedatthistime' (you have to be a Monty Python Holy Grail fan to appreciate our humor) allowed me to branch out and eat stuffing and a sweet potato in addition to my scalloped potatoes. 

Michael and I have given up on cooking.  I can't stand the smell of anything cooking, and most of what we fix doesn't sound appealing.  Michael is a meat & meat kinda guy and I was a vegetarian for about 6 years and I'm still picky about meat.  There's just something savagely disgusting about eating something that used to have a face.  I could easily give up meat again but I fear my meatatarian would file for divorce...

So what's on the menu Hewhoshallnotbenamedatthistime?

It sort of varies...  one week it was Nacho Bell Grandes from taco bell.  This week it's fruit and 'crab sushi' (California rolls).  When you get a pregnancy craving it's like everything in the world has to be put on pause until your taste buds are satisfied.

And then I get horrible heartburn and nausea and wish I had never eaten any of it.

Yes I have medication.  I have Zofran, Phenergan, Prilosec, and Zantac.  I take as needed, but I don't want to drug Hewhoshallnotbenamedatthistime too horribly; plus my misery entitles me the sympathy of my extremely patient husband who will drive 30 minutes round trip to get me a Nacho Belle Grande.  He's been wonderful...well other than the time when I said 'can you please use your mind powers to summon my ginger ale from the kitchen?' and he placed his hand over my head and said 'goooo geeet your gingerrr aaaale...'

He totally went and got it for me, but he laughed hysterically at himself first.

Before I wrap this up, I would like to say that I feel extremely guilty for complaining about being pregnant.  Yes I hate every minute of it...from the nausea to the weight gain to the swollen ankles to the cheeseburger aversion...but I am very blessed that I am able to even be pregnant.  I have several good friends that have had difficulty having children of their own, and they would all make wonderful parents.  It's just a lesson in life; the things that you complain the most about (your husband/wife, your kids, your job, your health...) just remember, there is somebody out there that would love to have what you have.  So try to feel blessed during all of your complaining.  The End.

1 comment:

  1. Yes, people often take advantage of blessings such as this. I'm so glad you can find humor and poke fun of a situation... that's how I cope myself! :) It's much more entertaining that way. We all know you still appreciate the chance to have a new baby, yay!