pool season

I love the pool.  I love the sun.  I love to tan.  No lectures please, I know the hazards of basking in the sun.  Did you know that new research shows you can actually become addicted to tanning?  So there ya go, I can't help it, I'm an addict.

The summer after Morgan was born we went to a pool once and it wasn't a success.  Morgan was cranky.  Big shocker.  She was about 5 months old and lasted maybe 10 minutes in the pool.

The next summer she was 15-18 months old during 'swim season' and she enjoyed the pool much more, but that's a tricky age at a public pool.  There is a nice pool over in Weirton that we go to, and we would go about once a week.  Morgan would stand at the edge of the baby pool, taking it all in.  I could see in her eyes, the wheels churning in her head....'hellooooo babies....all of your toys are now MINE....and I will get away with it because I'm one of the youngest here...mwahahahahaha.'  And that indeed is what I had to deal with; Morgan stealing all of the toys.  She was the pool bully, making other babies cry.  And she knew she could get away with stealing a plastic watering can from a 2 year old because the other mother would always say 'now now, she's just a baby, don't cry, let her play with it...' and I was slightly embarrassed and amused; ashamed my cute little chubby baby in her pink ruffle butt bathing suit was making other babies cry, but couldn't help laughing at the little pool punk.  We usually lasted 2 hours at the most before Morgan was ready to fall asleep after all of the sunshine and thieving.

Last summer Morgan was 2 and it was a little easier to be at the pool with her.  I could actually sit on the side while she played, whereas the previous summer I had to be with her constantly because every time she got knocked over (seriously, why do 3 or 4 year olds try to pick up babies?!) she would fall into the water and flail like she was drowning and then I would have to calm her down so she could go back to stealing toys.  But when she was 2 she was a little bigger, a little more sturdy, and sadly, a little more mean.  Not only was she stealing toys, but she was old enough to know better, and she would fight the other kid for a toy that wasn't even hers.  The battle usually ended up with both toddlers screaming and Morgan trying to beat the other kid over the head with a ball or water gun or plastic shovel.  And yes, I would take toys for Morgan to play with.  She didn't want HER toys, she wanted the other toys.  However; whenever another baby would touch any of her toys she turned into a Chihuahua guarding a food dish, complete with growls and biting.  After 2-3 hours I would gracefully make my exit with my rabid toddler and the other mothers would sigh with relief.

This summer....Morgan is 3.  Since she's turned 3 she has been a much more cooperative human being.  Half of her previous issues can be blamed on her speech delay.  It's hard to rationalize and reason with a human that can't communicate.  Now she understands pretty much everything we say, even if she pretends she doesn't (we had a ten minute ordeal this evening where I tried to get her to pick up a pillow from the floor and put it back on the couch and she tried everything in her power to distract me from it, pretending like she didn't understand what I wanted her to do).  I took her to the pool yesterday for the first time this season (it was also my first time ever wearing a maternity bathing suit....which is uber sexy...it even has a skirt).  What a great day!  Not a cloud in the sky, unusually hot weather for this area (the main pool is heated in the summer if that tells you anything about what sort of summers we usually have), and the pool was packed.  Morgan mostly wanted to stay in the baby pool and the 'splash zone' area, and I realized for the first time I could just sit and watch and she could play and be independent.  She can't swim, but she can play in the baby pool without any problems, and run through the splash zone.  I had to use my 'teacher voice' a few times...I have zero tolerance for splashing, especially when a kid is splashing my kid in the face over and over.  And there were some little pool punks with this huge water gun and they were spraying it everywhere, getting all of the 'mommy bags' wet so I had to say something.  And there were some bigger kids randomly running through the baby pool knocking all of the little ones down.  I don't know where the parents of these children were, I really wanted to congratulate them on raising animals.  I know that Morgan has been a pool bully in the past, but I intervened every single time.  And now she's so different!  Yes she played with abandoned toys, but as soon as the owner came to claim it, Morgan gave it right back.  I was so proud.  And she ran over to every new kid in the pool waving and saying 'hi!'  She had so much fun.  I took her to the 'big pool' a few times and tried to work with her swimming skills but she's the laziest swimmer I've ever seen.  She barely moves.  Some parents just throw their kids in the water and wait for them to swim; if I did this, Morgan would just sink to the bottom.  The big pool has several small slides and Morgan kept asking to go on them, but I kept telling her they were for big kids.  So after a while she would ask 'I'm a big girl?' and I would answer 'yep!' and she trapped me.  'I can go on the slide?  I'm a big girl!'  Dang it Morgan!!  So I let her go on the slide.  I waited at the bottom to catch her since she can't swim.  She climbed up, put her feet down, panicked, backed up, and all of the kids on the ladder had to get out of her way while she climbed back down.  I knew she would chicken out.  She always does that to me when it comes to water slides.  Last summer there was an incident with a water slide in the shape of an elephant.  I had to climb over about 13 little kids to get to my kid blocking the top because she was crying out of fear and refused to go down the slide, but the stairs were packed and nobody would move to let her back down. 

After about 4 hours I noticed Morgan's cheeks were getting really red....and the tops of my legs were stinging.  I had a really hard time getting Morgan to leave.  i finally told her if we stayed too much, the sun would make us sick.  She cooperated and followed me to the car, wailing the entire time.  And then she cried all the way home.  When we got home I realized how sunburned we were.  *high five* to myself for an awesome mommy moment - I forgot to take the sunscreen to the pool so there was no reapplying.  The bottle was still sitting on the kitchen counter when we got home.  Morgan's shoulders and back are so red and painful.  My back and the tops of my legs look like bacon.  We've been lubing up with lots of after sun lotion....and Tylenol.  We have to heal so we can hit the pool again soon!

Here's a picture of my little pool diva...she's learned the 'duck face pose' at an early age....sigh....

getting peed on for medicinal purposes

So today Morgan and I woke up and did our morning routine.  She sings in her bed for a few (or 20) minutes while I work up the energy to drag myself out of my bed.  While she drinks her Pediasure Good Starts (or the Kroger equivalent) I make my bed, get dressed, trip over cats, decide between Cheerios or oatmeal, and open my computer for what possibly be the only time all day.  Morgan has been doing fabulous with her potty training.  We are so proud of her.  This morning she woke up with a dry diaper and went straight to the potty, yelling 'mommy I'm on the potty!!' (I'm learning that will be a phrase in my life for a long time) so I abandoned my Cheerios to go help her.  Her potty is located in the living room because that's where she wants it.  Whatever works.  I wiped her and then took her little potty to the bathroom to dump and clean and she followed me crying that I 'wiped her too hard' and I was like 'nuh uh!'

She tends to have a flair for drama.

But she cried for about ten minutes.  And then asked for a 'botsie' which is a pacifier we keep in the fridge for when she is hurt (especially busted lips).  We still also have teething rings in the fridge because...well....who knows.  I just haven't cleaned it out and what's the point now with Jack's eviction date about 7 or 8 weeks away.

She took the teething ring and put it on her naked backside saying 'ahhh that makes my booty feel better.'

What is UP with my kid?!

But she stopped crying. 

Oh and I gave her a dose of ibuprofen, because when she is throwing a fit, chances are some sort of drug will help....ibuprofen, claritin, tylenol, zantac, morphine...

Then she asked for a diaper, which is really strange, because she has been wearing 'potty pants' all day every day and only wears diapers at night. 

Then she got on her potty to pee....and wouldn't get off.

I kept saying 'okay Morgan let me wipe you and clean the potty' and she kept saying 'not done yet'....but she wasn't even doing anything other than sit on the potty and play with whatever Little People were within toe grabbing distance.

She sat there for over and hour and that's when it hit me...

somethin' ain't rite.

I texted my friend that works for a pediatrician and she said yes it sounded like a possible UTI and to call her doctor.  I tried to called Morgan's doctor but they were out to lunch for another half hour.  I paced the living room, called Michael, texted my mom, and finally decided to not wait for her doctor; because honestly they would have to 'work me in' and they are always so busy.  I don't feel like sitting in a waiting room for 2 hours.  I persuaded Morgan to abandon the potty with promises of getting to pee in a cup.

She was uber excited about that.

Plus she loves going to the doctor.

I took her to EZ Care, which is an urgent care sort of emergency place.  I love it there.  It's never busy and the staff is so nice.  I packed sippy cups and bottles of water and explained to Morgan on the way there she needed to drink a lot so she could pee in a cup for the doctor.  She drank and drank.  When it was time to go to the bathroom I took a deep breath and gave myself a pep talk.  I could do this.  I had dressed Morgan in a sundress to make the event easier.  I took off her pullup and she had peed.  A lot. 

Dang it.

She really couldn't help it; she had drank a lot of water and whatever was going on with her made her feel like she constantly needed to go to the bathroom even when she didn't need to. 

But we needed some pee in that cup.

The alternative to the cup is using a catheter to extract some urine.  Or a needle into the bladder.

Yeah, THAT sounds fun for any age.

I explained to her that she needed to try really hard to pee in the cup.  I had her stand with her legs apart and put the cup in place and waited for some action. 

She couldn't do it. 

She wanted to sit on the potty.  So I put her on the potty and had to put my hand holding the cup down under her, but she didn't like the feeling of the cup against her so I have to hover and wait.

She peed.  And I had to play 'catch the pee' before the sprinkles stopped.  I got pee on my hand.  My hand touched the inside of the toilet.

Sigh.

But we got a little pee in the cup!!!  Victory!

Then I had to wash my hands (about 14 times).  And clean Morgan up and wash her hands.  And put the lid on that precious urine in the cup and then wipe it down before handing it to the nurse.

I seriously think I deserve some special mother award for all that.  I got my 3 year old to pee in the cup.  And I touched the inside of a toilet at a doctor's office. 

They tested her sample and there was evidence of some sort of infection.  They are sending it to a lab to find out exactly what's going on.  They went ahead and gave her a prescription for a UTI/bladder infection.  We went to Kroger to fill it and I bought her a new My Little Pony (Applejack) for her cooperation.  And then I looked longingly at the wine and beer aisle. 

But I'm pregnant so I settled for a Snickers bar.  I think I earned it.

And by the way, we have no idea how she got this infection.  Could be the fact that she's naked way too much.  Or that I used something new in her bath last night.  Or that she used toilet paper over the weekend instead of baby wipes.  Or all of the above.  I just hope she feels better soon. 

public potties

Yesterday was our 'monthly outing' to Robinson Township, a shopping area near Pittsburgh.  Morgan and I REALLY needed out of the house.  Plus it was time for another round of Little C lab work so we started our day date at Weirton Medical Center where I have enough blood taken to make me a little woozy.  The ladies in the lab are getting used to seeing me, and unfortunately, they might be seeing me even more often since the antibody levels are starting to rise. 

Afterwards, we were all starving.  Poor Morgan was saying 'I need food in my tummy, it would make me happy' because whenever we know we are going out to eat, we pretty much starve her so that she will eat while we are at a restaurant.  She had her breakfast sippy and that holds her over for a while but it was creeping up on 2:00 and that's a long time since breakfast for all of us.  We went to Longhorn Steakhouse (pretty darn tasty!) and she actually tried the bread and ate it!  See...starving her works...it makes her try new stuff.  Then she ate most of her mashed potatoes and even 2 bites of chicken tenders after a LOT of encouragement.  We were happy!  I asked her if she needed to potty and she said yes.

Here we go...public potty training.

I went to the 'family restroom' because it seemed less used.  I lined the side of the potty with about 500 sheets of toilet paper and helped Morgan get situated.  The very first thing she did was put her hands on that dirty nasty toilet and I wanted to scream!!!  I told her to hold on to my pants....which she did...and then I realized that after touching that dirty nasty toilet she was touching my dirty nasty pants. 

sigh.

But she used the potty!  And then I scrubbed her hands until they were red!  And her face, arms, feet, and all other exposed skin, just in case.

She ran back to our table yelling 'daddy I pee peed in the potty!!!!' and we received a lot of dirty looks from people diving into their steak.  Jeez people, she's THREE years old!  It's not like I encouraged her to run through a restaurant yelling about her potty success....

...or maybe I did.

just kidding...

Then we went to IKEA.  We LOVE IKEA.  It's such a fun place to go browse and find neat stuff you never knew you needed.  Yesterday we bought Morgan a new dresser (white to match her new IKEA bed) and a tall skinny shelf for our bedroom, plus I ran across these awesome washable fruits and vegetables for Morgan to play with.  While at IKEA I asked Morgan twice if she needed to potty...and of course she did.  Sadly, the bathrooms at IKEA were not clean, but that's just how 99% of public restrooms are.  Morgan is too young to learn the 'hover' maneuver.  Thank goodness IKEA offers toilet seat covers.  I pulled about 20 out and formed a protective layer of tissue paper worthy of Princess and the Pea.  Then we took birth baths in the sink to try to rid ourselves of all potty germies.

We survived our first day of public potties!

And we also managed to cram 3 long IKEA furniture boxes into our short Land Rover...I'm still impressed.

potty this and potty that

oh potty training, how I loathe thee.

Yes, this blog is about the woes of potty training.  Click 'exit' now if you are squeamish; otherwise, proceed.

Morgan turned 3 in February and we've been working on potty training for over a year.  Her speech delay has made it difficult; it's hard to potty train when you can't really communicate with your kid.  She's also very stubborn and strong willed.  Her pediatrician basically told us that the 2 things a toddler can control in life are 'what goes in and what comes out.'  So it's been a power struggle to get Morgan to eat new foods (or sometimes just to eat at all) and to want to go on the potty.

This past week all of a sudden Morgan has decided that the potty isn't all that bad!  For a solid week we've basically done no diapers or pullups during the day while at home.  She has spent half of the time running around naked or wearing 'potty pants' (underwear) and her little potty has ended up in the living room...which is where SHE wants it, so I'm not moving it.  I spend most of the day asking her if she needs to potty...and the other half of the day watching her potty.....then cleaning her potty.

And yes, I know they make inserts to fit on a regular toilet so that toddlers can go on the big potty.  We have one.  It's pink and says 'princess' on it.  She rarely uses it.  She prefers this little potty from Toys R Us that is almost too small for her.  Going in the big potty would be too easy of course; she would rather use the little potty and then watch us clean it out.

You would think that after years of changing poop diapers, poop in the potty wouldn't phase me.  I can't stand it.  I dry heave and try to hide the disgusted look on my face as I'm carrying a little plastic bowl full of a toddler poo to the bathroom; I don't want her to think she's done something bad.  As I gasp for air in between dry heaves I try to tell Morgan what a good job she did and how she can have a 'treat' of chocolate chips as soon as mommy cleans up and composes herself.  If Michael is home, I beg him to do the dirty job, but he's not home very often.  And I swear Morgan times her poops for when he's at work.

And she poops ALL THE TIME now.  It's like she feels that whenever she sits on the potty, she has to work on a poo.  So she sits and sits and sits.  So I sit and sit and sit and wait for her to be finished.  No way am I leaving a pooping toddler unsupervised on a potty on my living room carpet.  Then I have to catch her before she tries to pick up her potty to go empty it herself.  I have nightmares about the contents of the potty spilling out onto my clean floors.  Then I have to catch her and get her cleaned up with potty pants back on before she climbs onto my couch.

It's stressful I tell ya.

And she's not completely potty trained yet.  We are still working on 'out of the house training.'  Whenever we go somewhere, we put a diaper on her.  We went to dinner the other evening and every time she peed in her diaper, she loudly announced it...'Mommy, I just pee peed in my diapy again!'
...ummm okay kid, be quiet and eat your mashed potatoes.  Today I decided to try her outside with no diaper.  I took her potty out on the porch and we enjoyed the sunshine for 4 hours while she used the potty on the porch.  I'll just have to remind my neighbors that I'm from WV and don't know any better.

She still wears a diaper at night and usually wakes up with it dry (woo hoo!  she hopefully won't be a bedwetter!) but she doesn't want to take it off and use the potty when she first wakes up.  She usually pees in her diaper and then comes to tell me (or takes it off and throws it away herself...ridiculous, I know).  But we are getting there!

Do I have any advice on potty training?  Yes - wait until they are ready.  Don't force the issue.  They will eventually be ready.  I'm just thrilled that Morgan was ready before she started kindergarten. 

baby gear

I remember when Morgan was born, wondering why this little 6lb 13oz creature needed SO MUCH STUFF.  At the time we were renting a 2 bedroom townhouse and half of our place was filled with baby shower gifts.  Swing, bouncer seat, Bumbo seat, highchair, bassinet, crib, diaper changing station, pack n play, carrier, papasan chair, floor gym, bath tub, flat screen TV, Wii.  I remember asking Michael 'seriously?  why does a tiny human need so much big stuff?'

Oh I got my answer.

Because babies are not these cute little happy cuddly creatures that you snuggle with, sing to, feed, and put away.  They are hateful, demanding, greedy little dictators.  Or at least mine was.  Morgan was extremely irritated about being born.  It put her in a bad mood for about 6 months.  During the first week we learned really fast a new game called 'What Makes Morgan Happy' that we had to play for the next year.  Does Morgan want to hang out in the swing listening to classical music?  No.  Does Morgan want to roll around in the floor gym?  No.  Does Morgan want to snuggle down in the papasan seat and watch her mobile?  For about 1 minutes, yes.  Does Morgan want to be held by mommy while the Wiggles are on?  ding ding ding!  We have a winner!  ....for about 10 minutes. 

I read articles about 'container babies' - babies that are always stuck in a swing or pack n play or whatever.  I concluded that I had an 'anti-container baby' that wanted to be held all of the time.  But eventually all of the gear became a blessing.  I could put Morgan in her swing watching Nemo for a 10 minute shower before she started screaming.  We put a lot of miles on her stroller too.  She loved going for walks....as long as they were no longer than 1/2 hour.  That was her limit. 

The jumparoo was our best friend when she was old enough to use it.  Not only did it provide ridiculous entertainment for us (seriously, only a parent will understand why it's hilarious to sit and watch a baby jump up and down in a plastic saucer attached to supports) but it gave us some hands free time to do things like cook dinner, clean house, work on laundry, and play Mario Kart. 

Eventually Morgan outgrew all of her gear, and started to walk, so our days of trying to play What Makes Morgan Happy came to a close and we bagged up all of the gear for storage.

And last week we dragged it all out of our attic.

Oh my gosh.

Why does a little human need so much big gear?

Bump Update

I haven't blogged in a while and I feel the need to feel the world in on my amazingly exciting life....I hate to leave people hanging...

Latest 'bump update' - Deuce is perfectly healthy, and so am I! 

I still feel horrible.  I hate every single moment of being pregnant, day and night.  And then I feel bad for hating being pregnant because so many people would love to be in my shoes and they can't....

....but seriously, I HATE this.

Thank God I don't have to work.  I don't know what I would do if I was teaching high school right now...probably sit at my desk and cry about being so sick and tired while the kids set my classroom on fire.  Kudos to all the pregnant working women. 

But after my last huge round of blood work I found out I'm perfectly healthy.  I'm not even considered borderline diabetic right now because my A1C level is so awesome (pauses to pat self on back) and my cholesterol is awesome and my thyroid is under control and my blood pressure is better than perfect.

I think I'll unwrap this Cadbury egg....

Deuce has a normal and low heart rate.  He's very laid back already.  I hope he takes after Michael and NOT after my family.  Michael is so laid back sometimes I feel like I need to check and make sure he's still breathing when he's on the couch for hours watching golf or bowling or something.  I can't sit still.  Nobody in my family can sit still.  Even when I'm pregnant and hobbling around with aching hip joints and swollen ankles, I can't sit still for too long...even when I'm sitting I'm busy, usually working on a crochet project.

Deuce is also really active, especially at night.  I swear it feels like he's playing a drum set inside me, kicking his legs and pumping his hands.  Sometimes I worry he's having a seizure. 

So maybe my dreams of a laid back baby boy are a little too hopeful....

But we are getting excited.  Me mostly because I can't wait to NOT be pregnant ever again.  Morgan can't wait for 'baby bwotha' and looks outside for him every single day to come running down the street or come in the mail or whatever is going on in that little head of hers.  I've been going through all of Morgan's baby clothes weeding out the neutral items for him to wear.  Michael climbed up in the attic to bring down all of the baby gear (holy cow I forgot how much gear this tiny little human requires...).  My mom is hosting a 'sprinkle' instead of a baby shower, because I was encouraged by so many friends to have a little celebration for baby boy so that we could get clothes and diapers and stock up on other baby items.  On Amazon I found the crib set I really want; it's called Night Owl by Jo Jo Designs.  I love owls.  Deuce will love owls too.  I am planning to get some 'woodland wall decals' to jazz up the beige walls in his room (I really don't want to paint...beige is fine for a boy) and found some with owls and squirrels and hedgehogs....

hedgehogs!!!

and owls!!!

that makes me happy.

I have a collection of Boyd's Bear moose that has been sitting in a storage tub since I got married that will work great with the owls and hedgehogs. 

Boys rooms are actually sort of hard.....there are so many 'themes' to pick from.  Sports, dinosaurs, cars, boats, trains, jungle, farm....  for girls there is basically...fairies and flowers.  and butterflies. 

And I think we've decided on a name:

Jack Michael McCumbers

Jack was the name of one of my grandfathers.  Michael is the name of my husband AND my dad. 

As a friend pointed out....my kids are going to be named after liquors....Jack and Morgan.

*snicker*

oh well.

I thought maybe if I named him Red Bull I would get a lifetime supply for free...but no such luck.

mom guilt

I'm a stay at home mom.  Which means I am with my kid 24/7.  She's my little shadow, literally following me EVERYWHERE I go.  I love being able to spend so much time with her while she's little; but I take it granted.  And I feel so guilty about it, like every single day guilty.

But I'm pregnant and feel like a sloth with stomach flu and arthritis most days.  My hip joints hurt so bad I can barely walk by night.  I'm queasy all day and night.  I want to make a nest on the couch and watch marathons of Ancient Aliens.

I also have a crochet business, and I love it.  But each project takes AT LEAST an hour to do.  Honestly most projects take around 5 hours (people love hats with a lot of details).  So I spend several hours a day working on projects because I don't like for people to wait too long for their orders and I'm OCD and can't stand having unfinished projects in my life. 

Speaking of OCD...I like having a clean house.  So I clean.  A LOT.  Like every single day a lot. 

So I clean, then I rest, then I crochet, then I rest...repeat.

But I have a 3 year old....

She usually follows me around when I clean, trying to 'help' with her little duster (heck yes, give your kid a Swiffer duster and put him/her to work!) or I give her baby wipes to clean while I use Pledge or Lysol wipes on my furniture and in my kitchen.  When I clean the bathrooms she sits in the hall and asks "mommy what you doing?" about 1393285 times which is AWESOME when I'm up to my elbows in Scrubbing Bubbles and trying not to breathe in the fumes. 

When I crochet I turn into one of those awesome moms that expects my kid to zombie out to Nick Jr or Disney cartoons.  Hey, she's learning Chinese from Kai-lan and learning Mozart from Little Einsteins and learning shapes from Team Umizoomi!

But I feel guilty for not doing enough awesomely creative crafty projects that will allow my child to go to college by the age of 10.

I blame Facebook and Pinterest for this guilt.

Darn you people that post on Facebook all the awesome stuff you do with your kids.  Homemade play-doh?  Good for you.  I've got some Play-Doh...in a basket....up on my fridge.  We played with it this one time.  Morgan ended up making this phallic statue that made me laugh until I cry and I took a picture and texted it to all my friends of my toddler holding this big wiener shaped Play-Doh creation.

And the statuses...'taking my 6 kids to the zoo with homemade organic snacks for the afternoon!'

Bleh.

I take Morgan with me to Walmart....sometimes I buy her a Belly Washer.  It's 100% juice.  We people watch.  Seriously, what's the difference between Walmart and the zoo?  You have hippos fighting in the frozen food section, baby lions biting each other in the video games, and there's even an aquarium where most of the fish aren't floating at the top if you get to the fish section early enough in the day.

Darn you Pinterest for the '100 things to do with toddlers this summer' posts where I'm supposed to go to Lowe's and buy some sort of tubing to punch holes in and hook up to my water hose and create a little water park in my front yard.  I guess sitting on the front porch spraying my kid until her diaper falls off doesn't count?  What about spraying the neighbor's dog?  What?!  He shouldn't be in my yard....

And my favorite Pinterest post - the Time Out Chair.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

You take a little chair, paint it all pretty, and put 'time out chair' on it.  Because a PRETTY chair will totally make your kid understand that they were BAD and that if they sit and reflect in that chair they will learn their lesson and move on to becoming president of the United States someday after learning to be honest and kind and wonderful.

Our version of time out is sending Morgan to her room....where her TV is usually on...and we cross our fingers that she gets distracted by whatever is on TV and won't come back and bother us for a while.

I'm glad that there are some awesome moms out there that put 110% into their kids and I salute you.  Seriously, you're awesome. 

You make me feel guilty though.

Stop it.