Friday, March 9, 2012

Cat Breading

You read that breading.  Not breeding.

My BFF Paul enlightened me on this process.  There is a whole collection of cat pictures online.  I've been wanting to try it for a while, but Michael said no.  I was not to humiliate his kitties.

I married into 2 black cats.  Michael had just gotten both of them (at different times...and from different locations...but they are both black) right before I met him.  They are about 6 years old now.  Shiner and Calvin.  Shiner is 'mean kitty.'  He's full of cat attitude and hates me and Morgan.  He scratches and bites us any time he thinks he can get away with it, for no reason other than he's in a bad mood!!  I took him for a walk one time (yes both cats walk on a leash...) and out of nowhere he decided to bite a chunk out of my ankle.  It bled down into my shoe.  Last summer (while on a walk) for no reason whatsoever, he stood up like a bear and attacked Morgan, scratching up her face and stomach.  One large gash on her eyelid probably would have guaranteed his death if Michael had been home for that, but he was at work (which means I got to deal with all that drama on my own....that was a fun evening).  So I don't take mean kitty for walks anymore.  He still randomly will strike out and scratch Morgan's leg just because she's walking near him and he's cranky.  And she still loves him and won't leave him alone!!!  Michael gets so upset with him, he throws Shiner in the garage for 'time out' (among other punishments) and Shiner just ADORES Michael.  That's the problem.  Shiner remembers life before Morgan and me and he hates that we messed it up.  Life when Shiner could take a nap without having to keep an eye open to watch for Little People being thrown around. 

And then there's Calvin.  World's dumbest cat.  You just look at him and think 'awwww, poor dumb kitty.'  He has never scratched or bitten.  Morgan rides him like a horse, decorates him with jewelry and bows, and he loves the attention.  My complaints about him are his wet nose leaving snot trails all over my windows (and across our legs and feet...yuck) and his bulimia.  He barfs a log of cat food at least once a week.

So last night as I was throwing out a couple of old slices of bread....I decided to try breading on my cats.  Michael was at work and couldn't stop me. 

Here's how it works:

you take a slice of bread, cut out a hole (or dig out one with your hands), hold your cat down and gently place the slice of bread over their face.  Photos are not the best quality because using iPhone while restraining a breaded cat is tricky.



I texted these pictures to Michael and he replied with 'my poor kitties' and an emoticon with a big frown and tear. 


Then I texted them to every friend and family member that I thought needed at laugh at 9pm.

**no cats were harmed in the process of this breading.

I highly recommend breading your cat.  Especially if he/she doesn't have claws.

Afterwards, both kitties tried to eat the bread crumbs...then spit them out so I would have soggy kitty slobbered bread crumbs to clean off the floor, then cleaned their faces for an hour.

Totally worth it.

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