Saturday, June 22, 2013

Hey mommy, do you need beer?

Leaving the house with the kids...on my own. Why do I ever think this is a good idea? Jack turns one this week and I had decided that I don't have enough stress in my life, so let's add a cookout to celebrate Jack surviving his first year of life on top of expired drivers license and other fun things going on. Michael and I are always talking about having people over. The social side of me is all like 'bring it on!!! Let's rent a bounce house, hire NASA to give rocket rides, the works!!' But the OCD side of me is like 'people in my house? Will they make messes? What if they make messes I can't clean up? Like what if somebody throws up in my stove or something?'  

The social side won. 

And I did rent a bounce house. And now I'm checking into selling my liver to pay for it. 

So I had to go buy party supplies and today the kids weren't screaming as much as usual so I decided it would be a good time to go. 

We went to Walmart. We don't have many options locally and Walmart is one stop shopping, which is any moms BFF. 

After persuading Morgan that we didn't need the entire aisle of party supplies, and no I'm sure Jack would not want pink plates, and no the hello kitty napkins do not coordinate with the superman theme, Jack decided to have what we call 'fat boy meltdown' where he has to eat and can't wait one more second. So in the middle of the toy section I had to whip out a bottle and try to pour formula into it without spilling it while Morgan bounced toys off my head insisting she needed it ALL. 

So there ya go. Chubby bubby is happy. And using a stack of diapers as a pillow. We got a lot of 'looks' because Jack looks like he's about 2&1/2 instead of almost 1. 

We make it out of the toy aisle with a hot pink scooter in the cart and head towards the baby aisle. As I'm trying to find the pediatric drinks Morgan has for breakfast every morning, Jack pulls down half a shelf of yogurt puffs. As I'm trying to clean those up, Jack tries to climb out of the cart. As I'm trying to push him back down, I lose Morgan. Here's where I found her: 

'Hey mommy do you need some beer?'


Do not assume my husband and I are raging alcoholics, because although children can lure most people towards alcoholism, we know we've got to be 100% functional for our crazy kids. Morgan knows what beer is because she asks a million questions about everything. But still, every time she sees beer she's all like 'mommy do you need some beer?' And people stare at me like they are one step from calling social services. 

And besides, I like hard cider. I'm kind of over beer. 

As we purchased our goodies, Morgan is inviting everybody to 'baby Jack's superman party!!' as I'm trying to unload my cart onto the counter while picking out the random items Morgan has added and hiding them in the candy. Seriously Morgan. We don't need a watermelon slicer. 

Just another day in Mommyland. 

1 comment:

  1. There's a reason I didn't start drinking until AFTER I had children. LOL