Thursday, May 16, 2013

Allergic to Shopping

Every time I attempt to leave the house with both kids alone, it's epic.  The things that happen during these outings rarely occur whenever my husband is with us.  I mean of course, that would just be way too easy, ya know, for everything to fall apart when I have an extra set of hands.

Yesterday I HAD to go to the mall.  I had been putting it off because I have been sick and going anywhere with both kids requires a lot of energy.  But today was Morgan's preschool graduation ceremony.  She didn't graduate, but she was part of the ceremony, and I wanted to buy her teacher and aide an appreciation gift...something that says 'thank you for putting up with all of my child's quirks and for not judging me for wearing dollar store yoga pants and my hair in a bun when I drop off / pick up my child with or without a snot crusted baby on my hip' I rolled myself and the kiddos into some clothes, shoved a diaper bag and stroller into the car and took off towards the local mall. 

The shopping outing started off normal enough.  We had some mall pizza.  Then hit Bath & Body works where Jack got nervous and cried and needed a bottle and Morgan ran in circles holding a bottle of something pink and sparkly.  Jack finally passed out from 'girly store' overload so I pushed my luck and went into Macy's.  I slobbered over some Sperry flip flops (I can't find any logical reason for spending $50 on a pair of flops...but I love them!), hissed at Morgan for attempting to put shoes on a mannequin, and even had time to try on a few tops (why isn't my diet working?  oh yeah...mall pizza...) before Jack woke up.  He doesn't sleep well in a stroller.  Or in the car.  Or anywhere really other than his bed.  So we wrapped up the shopping trip in a primitive store where I sniffed every candle and Morgan claimed a little area of rustic furniture as her house and attempted to decorate it with random items.  Jack started crying so I made a candle selection and while handing over my credit card, the lady said 'ohhh, you're baby is bleeding!'  Sure enough, Jack had a nosebleed and had taken his hand and smeared it up his face into his hair, plus his cheeks were bright red.  Red cheeks and nosebleed?  Two symptoms of high blood pressure!  High blood pressure is what kept him in the NICU an extra week.  So I panicked a bit.  The store clerk offered me tissues and asked if I needed to call anybody but I assured her I was going to call his doctor as soon as I got to the car.  At the car I attempted to clean Jack's face while people walking by stared at us.  I mean seriously, haven't you people ever seen a crazy lady holding down a bloody baby in the back of an SUV before?  Mind your own business.  Plus Jack had peed through his diaper so I had to strip him down and change his diaper in the back of the Land Rover.  I strapped the kids into their seats, put on a DVD, and threatened Morgan that I would throw away every toy she owned if she wasn't quiet while I was on the phone.  I called our doctor's office and they were pretty much like 'how fast can you get here?'  So I call Michael and tell him what's going on, I sent out a few texts to friends for moral support, and while driving towards the medical center I had to assure Morgan that Jack is not dying and that he has on no pants because he peed in his and no she can't take her pants off too. 

The doctor's office closes at 5:00 and I got there around 4:30.  We were basically the last patients of the day.  I walk in carrying my pork chop of a baby, wearing only a diaper and tshirt, with dried blood and boogers across his face and bright red cheeks.  I told the nurse 'sorry he looks like he's been rolling around in a dumpster...but at least his sister looks cute!' and at that very moment Morgan is shoving a tissue into her mouth and says 'What?  I needed a snack!' when she catches us staring at her. 

Hey, I'm doing the best I can okay?  She likes to chew on toilet paper and tissues like bubble gum.  I don't give her gum and she doesn't actually EAT the paper (anymore), she just chews it and then it usually ends up in the cracks of my couch. 

So it turns out Jack's blood pressure was fine.  And the doctor couldn't find any reason for the nosebleed.  He assumes it just from all of the temperature changes we've had recently...heater on one day and then air conditioning the next...there's a reason it's called Mother Nature and not Father Nature; women are way more moody.  Since Jack has been coughing and has had a lot of nasal congestion, the doctor put him on an antibiotic.  He explained that he normally doesn't do that without proof of an actual infection, but Jack is a special case due to everything he's been through. 

Yay a prescription.  That meant I had to make yet another stop with the kiddos.  I went to what we call 'Gucci Kroger' because unlike the one closer to our house, Gucci Kroger offers fun things like a sushi bar and 2 aisles of toys.  As soon as we get there Morgan announces she has to pee.  AUUUGGGHHHH.  Public restrooms, yay!  I had no idea what I was going to do with Jack while I helped her, but thank goodness the bathroom had one of those child seats to strap him to the wall.  He thought it was hilarious...until I had to actually step away from him to help Morgan use the potty.  Then he screamed.  I heard a 'somebody's not happy!' from another stall and I wanted to yell 'oh he's been screaming ever since I took his meth away.'  After that I found myself at the 'create your own 6 pack' section.  Six different bottles of hard cider!  Score!  Can I start drinking in the checkout line?

So anyways...Jack is alive and well.  He has had small nosebleeds before, but this one was bad.  I assume he's just highly allergic to shopping. 

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