Kool Aid Pie

So last night I knew something was wrong because I was falling asleep on the couch by 10:30 instead of reading in my bed until midnight.  I woke up several times through the night not able to breathe through my nose and wanting to stick a fork down my throat to scratch it because it was so itchy (but hurt too).  I gave Michael the stink-eye (while he was asleep) because he just got over a cold.  He apologized this morning when I sprinted to the bathroom for toilet paper before my nose ran all over my face (I'm too old to work that look).

But today was Michael's first day off work in like 2 years and we are having our bathroom remodeled, completely redone.  Don't be jealous.  The plaster wall is caving in, the tiles are moldy, and there's always a weird smell.  This is why Michael works a ton of overtime...1) for home repairs & 2) because I swear Morgan and I drive him crazy and he would rather be at work (letting Morgan and I drive each other crazy instead).

So we had to go to Lowes to pick out our new bathroom stuff...vanity, sink top, toilet, tile, shower curtain (yes, contrary to what Michael thinks, a shower curtain is VERY important, it determines the new paint and everything!)  And then we decided to go to Kroger.  By this time it's 2:30ish and I haven't eaten since 9:30ish and that english muffin with peanut butter was not holding out any longer.  I'm diabetic and pregnant.  Mama needs food!  Being in Kroger was torture.  But I can't pull off yelling 'chippies!' and ripping into a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos like Morgan can.  By the way, Smart Water was 67 cents a bottle when you buy 15!!!  *happy dance!*

But see...I'm so distracted!!!  This blog is called KOOL AID PIE.

My BFF since 1996 is Paul.  We've been through a lot together...losing friends, losing family, dealing with life struggles and choices (like whether to eat Chinese or Mexican) and honestly there should be a sitcom based on our texts.  I can't remember the last time we actually chatted on the phone.  Sometimes I get a wild hair and call him but it's been a while.  But we text all the time, 99% of the time about the most random stuff ever.

He's been bragging about this Kool Aid Pie that he makes.  My pregnant stomach is tired of hearing about it, so I got the recipe the other day.  Today we were in Kroger and I decided to make that pie.  So I went to the Jello section and texted Paul 'I'm at Kroger and don't have my recipe, what do I need to Jello Pie?' 
He texted back 'LOL Kool Aid Pie?' and I totally disregarded the Kool Aid part of that text and kept looking at Jello.  He texted me back:  condensed milk, cool whip, 1 packet kool aid any flavor, graham cracker crust.. 

So I selected strawberry Jello.

Then in the freezer section I texted him 'where are those pie crusts?' and he answered 'in baking goods.  ya know, flour...sugar...'

oh yeah.

And he added 'condensed milk is there too.'  But I already knew we had some milk stuff at home from making fudge (those of you that actually cook can already name my 2nd mistake).

Paul also noted 'you really can't go wrong though.  it's simple and soooo goooood.'

And I'll skip through a few of the texts that consist of making fun of some people while we are checking out...and then some discussion about stuff we picked out for our new bathroom.  I mean, I'm seriously pumped, we are getting a toilet that has buttons...push 1 for liquids and 2 for solids....hahahahahahaha I'll laugh every time I flush....because I'm like a 3rd grader.

So here is the rest of our texting conversation (I might have to omit some curse words):

me:  gonna try to make that pie.

me:  OMG I bought jello instead of kool aid!  LMAO!!  oops.

me:  I dunno if it's gonna set up.

Paul:  you bought it ever after I sent you the ingredients?  LOL  hmmmm it should set up with the condensed milk but not sure what it will taste like.

Paul:  you don't add anything.  you just sprinkle power in with cool whip and condensed milk.

me:  it's very runny.

me:  I'm a dumb(donkey)!!

Paul:  you didn't add water or anything right?  because at no point should it be runny.  condensed milk and cool whip alone should be almost thick before pouring in the crust.  I just sprinkle in koolaid powder on top of freshly dumped milk and cool whip and stir.

Paul:  I always get Kroger brand of this condensed milk.  fat free.  (sends picture)

me:  (bad word)

me:  yes I used condensed milk , cool whip, jello, and it was very runny.

Paul:  take a pic.  I want to see what it looks like.

(I send a pic...and check my garbage)

me:  (bad word) I used evaporated milk.

Paul  I'm trying not to laugh.  Did you even look at what I sent?  sorry, I know it's frustrating.

Paul:  it reminds me of Rachel on Friends trying to make the trifle for Thanksgiving dinner.  she accidentally made half an English trifle and half a Shepherd's Pie.  LOL

me:  I can't cook!!!!

So I've made my BFF laugh.  and had to admit to my husband that I totally screwed up a recipe with 4 ingredients.  And eventually my mom will read this blog and call me and scold me while laughing. In my defense I had low blood sugar today.  I honestly don't even remember if I took my diabetic meds this morning.  And this bathroom thing is distracting.  And pregnancy makes me stupid.

I don't enjoy cooking.  I do enjoy eating though.  Michael is a great cook.  We just don't usually agree on many of the same foods.  He doesn't enjoy fruit or veggies, I adore them.  I don't enjoy meat, he adores eating anything that used to have a face.

I'm about to go check on my pie in the freezer.  Wish me luck.