How to antique your living room

My kids have been crabby today. I needed some peace while I tried to shove some dinner in my mouth so I had the genius idea of dumping small piles of baby powder on the living room carpet and letting the kids jump from one to another. 

Some of you are thinking 'wow that IS brilliant!'

Some of you are thinking 'oh that's a horrible idea.'

Well you're both correct. I had a lovely half hour with my chicken, rice, guacamole, sour cream, and salsa wrap while watching an episode of Glee on my Kindle. I didn't hear 'mooooooom!!' one single time. Kids didn't run to me with urgent imaginary boo boos or legos that 'just won't fit!!'

I cleaned up my dinner mess and went to the living room. 

It was covered in baby powder. Ever watch the show Jackass where they would 'antique' one another by slapping a handful of flour in the face?  That's what I thought of. My living room had been antiqued. 

At that moment my kids were making handprints in the powder that had settled on the coffee table. They both joyfully exclaimed 'oh sorry ma!' then flopped onto the couch. 

I took a deep breath and retrieved my BFF from the closet, my purple Dyson vacuum. I had to vacuum the carpet about five times and the powder is still  deep in the fibers (hey at least it smells good!). I had to use attachments to sweep all baseboards, furniture, wall hangings, curtains. I even vacuumed both kids' hair just for fun and to hear them scream at me. 

Then I walked into the kitchen and slipped and fell because the floor was covered in a fine layer of powder giving it the same surface as a Minnesota pond in January. Both cats also slid across the floor and it was delightful to see the look of horror on their little black faces. 

Moral of the story: I'm not always full of grand ideas. Actually I rarely have grand ideas. So don't ever copy my parenting. 

This message is brought to you by Johnson & Johnson baby powder with aloe, Dyson vacuums, and Not Your Fathers Root Beer.